Archive for January, 2011

Just another day…

“The sun sets, darkness comes, then the day begins anew…”



So the weekend was completely unproductive for me. I started going back to a website that I used to use a long, long time ago. Stickam TM is a place that I’ve met a lot of really cool people. I’ve met some new people this past weekend, and one stand out more-so than others. His name is Anthony, and he seems to be a really nice person. We seem to have a lot of interests in common. Which is nice to build a foundation for friendship, and maybe something more.


I also watched a REALLY good movie Sunday. It’s called “Julie & Julia”. I thought it was supposed to be funny, but it was actually kind of sad. Sad smile


Never-mind me…

Woe is this game we’re playing. Should I stick around for more? Snap your fingers; I’ll come running. Then I’ll leave when you’re bored with me…I’ll make it easy…

-Maria Mena


     So, I yet again find myself in turmoil with relationships.  I can seriously, and honestly say I gave this relationship my all this time.  I gave him unconditional love, I gave him affection, I gave him sex, I even took care of him when he was sick…as much as he’d let me.


This video basically sums up exactly how I feel.


     After a long discussion, we decided, yet again, it just wasn’t meant to be. So, again I feel life of singledom. I don’t like it. Such is life. Not much I can do about it. Blah :\

Stardom…[edited YouTube link]

“If anyone else had this, they’d trade it.”

-Nicki Minaj

     When boredom strikes, things happen. Sometimes creative, and sometimes negative. Because of this, I decided to start working on a song a month ago. I wouldn’t called myself an artist, or even a great singer, I just do it out of boredom and I enjoy singing. I always tell people that you don’t have to sing well, you just need to have fun. Nevertheless, I did. It took almost more than a month, but I did my own version of my favorite song, “Your Love” by Nicki Minaj.

     With that posted, I can honestly say that Nicki Minaj is a very talented woman. I took apart her song to see just how she did it, and she had many harmonies and layers to make “Your Love” sound as good as it does. I, however, and no Nicki Minaj, but I can safely say that  it isn’t horrible. Also, artists that uses auto-tune, they have to be able to sing before the auto-tune correction is implemented, or it makes them sound so much worse. Just a bit of FYI.


     I’ve had someone ask for my song as a ringtone, so I completely re-did the entire song and finished it with the complete ending. I never thought I’d get the positive feedback that I have. Thanks for the support! Smile

Another day, same issue…

“Why is it that you can only see the worst in me? I swear, sometimes it feels like it nurtures me, but to keep it all in hurts me. I could say I’m done with it but it lurks in me. So I guess I’ll just tell myself that it works for me…”

– Nicki Minaj

Why do two people get married if they know that shouldn’t? Why is it that people do stupid shit like cheating? If you know that just one person cannot satisfy your needs, then why sign a contract saying I will be with you, and only you, until death do us part? Sometimes I really don’t think people think things through. If marriage means nothing to one person involved, then why make the other person suffer by you not caring? Sometimes loving someone means allowing them to leave.

“Here I am…here I am…talk to me as I am…”

-Nicki Minaj

In other news, Nicki Minaj is finally going to London and Paris! She’s been wanting to for a while, so I’d assume that she’s happy. I’m not sure when, but she deserves a good vacation, for she’s been working really hard lately on music videos, and she also tweeted about being in the studio for something. And it was LATE. Which is odd for her, because she likes recording during the morning and day hours. So I’m just excited for whatever kind of surprise she has for her fans. Smile

“I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her. I’m right over here, why can’t you see me? I’m giving it my all, but I’m not the one you’re taking home. I keep dancing on my own. You can’t see me standing here; I just came to say goodbye…”


Also, Jon said he had a really good day today, that nothing sad came his way. That makes me happy. He deserves a good day. He’s been telling me for a few nights that he still has feelings for his ex and that it’s been bothering him. I told him that I believed that he should try focusing on his classes, his friends, and me. It makes me sad knowing that he still has feelings  for his ex…I just hope that he’s ready for another relationship. I don’t want to see him hurt, and I don’t want to get hurt. I know he cares for me…gah. Maybe I just need to step my game up so he knows just what he has. That sounds like a good idea. Time to do some Google work. Smile

Scars to show, hearts to break…

“My weakness is that I care too much. The scars remind us, that the past is real. I rip my heart open just to feel…”

     So, I met this wonderful person, and we have seemed to really clicked. He’s so intelligent, so beautiful. I love how his mind works, well about 95% of it anyway. He’s so interesting, so…amazing…

     We talked before and it didn’t end so well, due to some mishaps on his behalf. He has this thing about polygamy…and I just don’t believe in it. I’m just so worried that he can’t love me because he will want someone else…and even more I’m afraid that I’ll end up like my mother…stuck in a relationship always being cheating on. I really don’t want that…

     I really like him, I’m doing things for him, and compromising…I just don’t know. I really want to keep him because he has such a wonderful personality, and he’s so beautiful…and so sweet…loving…caring…

     I can honestly say that he knows more about me, and I feel completely open and secure with him. I love that…Also he is the first person I’ve ever made love with…it’s the best feeling in the world…I can honestly say I feel like I’m in love…and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world…


Save me…

“This time won’t you save me? This time won’t you save me? Baby I can feel myself giving up…giving up…”

     So today was the worst day I believe that I’ve ever had…ever. I never thought that my own mother would ever try to kill herself…I mean, as much crap as she has taken from my dad, the thought has been entertained if she’s ever considered it, but tonight she actually attempted. She drank so much alcohol, that she was having seizures. I’ve never seen her so down and out. This…really has hurt me. It’s even making me question my will to live. I cannot continue to live this way with my parents. I just wish I had enough money to buy my mother a nice house, and allow her to be happy. However, in reality, I know that I cannot. I have no job…no significant other…no money…no life…all I do is sit here at home, with nothing do but watch over my grandmother.